How Did I Let Her Get Away?

What makes a man think about you years later? Is it his having been so close to having sex with you but never got to carnally know you that burns his inner spirit, or is it that you were the woman of his dreams but he was too immature to realize it?

It is truly unfortunate that in life, we often end up with people (and having children with people) we should have never been in a relationship with. Why aren’t we with the people who truly loved us whom we somehow let slip away? A funny thing about life is that 20 years later, you might realize you’ve had an evil trick played on you by fate; the opportunities you thought you would have had in the future often fade with time. Things happen: people get married, divorced, live and die; people are often not exactly quite the same folks you remembered from 10 to 20 years ago. Time has a way of changing people, for better or for worse, and we might realize how lucky we were to find relationships with just one to two people in our entire lives who ever truly loved and understood us.

What causes these supposed chances to slip away? One reason could be that you have become so successful that people are attracted to your material success instead of you (Lonely situation). Or it could be the opposite: as a man, perhaps you have not accomplished any material successes, so many women are not attracted to you because they feel you have nothing to offer. (It is interesting to consider how this double standard applies to men, as men freely choose women without jobs and who are flat broke. “Fellas, we must raise our standards!”So what if she has the biggest booty known to man?)

I asked several men to reflect back on that one woman who got away, what made her so special, and what he would do differently if he could go back in time. Here is what they had to say:

Anthony, 45+ years in the planet: She was my high school sweetheart and perfect in every way. A good girl, sharp, beautiful, solid family. And I let her get away because I did not give her the attention she deserved.

Rey, 33 years on the planet: Looking back, I was not ready to settle down. I think about her because of the awesome communication, [and] her family was nice, quality time.

Luis, 34 years on the planet: You only get a certain amount of time where you click instantly, which not too often comes about. You think it would come more often, but it does not.

William 27 years planet: Too young to have any real “I let that girl get away” moments.

member-deal-adDarron, 45+ years on the planet: I let the first good girl go because I was not ready and did not want to mess her head up as I was too into myself. I was young and did not know.

Jeff, 40+ years on the planet: We were together three years and 16-19. She came from a very caring family, and the reason I let her go was because I was thinking about all the relationships — basically sex — I would miss out on.

Chris, 31 years on the planet: The ones who were supposed to get away are gone for a reason, verified by where I am today and where they are in terms of whom we are and comparative lifestyles. It did not work out because it simply was not supposed to. A woman who I might have been heart broken about years ago I don’t regress on, because now I feel like I am just getting started.

Simon, 40 + years on the planet: Looking back on life, there was only truly one girl who got away, and only because I gave up. After a year and a half of dating and no sex, it was a male friend who actually pointed out that this woman was just not treating me like women he was used to seeing me dating. After giving it much thought and meditation, I had to agree. What bothered me the most is even years later in life I had another opportunity to possibly date this woman again, but somehow I did not even take the opportunity. I totally ignored her even though when I visited her she gave me her own bed to sleep in without her. “That’s probably why I ignored her, at this point she should have at least go in the bed with me, don’t you think?” I always thought she was beautiful and special and perhaps if she did say yes she would have had me at too much of an advantage in her favor. Being younger, I would have done anything she wanted… I would have worked from sun up to sun down to make sure she was happy.  I would have been a true victim working for her and perhaps putting God second just as it says in the scriptures, 1 Corinthians 32-34, “In all you do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man can’t do that so well; he has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided”. Honestly she would have had too much control over me, and later in life as I grew stronger and met up with her again; I did not necessarily care to follow her rules or suggestions. Although I have pondered about it over the years, I do believe I made the right decision to walk away. Never love another person more than you love yourself and God.

Don, 40+ years on the planet: I was dating a lady friend of mine named Kim and later discovered I had a child with a woman I’d previously dated. I left Kim in an attempt to create a family with my daughter and baby mama. (How many times have we seen this failed scenario?) I would do it differently because I really just left Kim without explanation, and in my heart of hearts I feel like I should have handled the situation differently. If I could do it all over again I would have stayed with Kim and just done what I needed to do as a father as opposed to going after the whole family package.  It took me a year to realize I had left Kim “for a two-bit whore!” It was my mistake, and even though Kim was still around, I had hurt her so much that I destroyed the relationship bond we had. I apologize because she did not deserve to be treated this way.

And me? I personally do not regret the past decisions I have made because I gave my best, and although as you mature as an adult and realize your mistakes you sometimes you wish you could do it again differently, you then realize that the people you knew previously may have changed. So even if you were to go back to the person you thought was the man or woman of your dreams 10 to 20 years ago, you would have to get to know him or her all over again as if it was your first time meeting. There is one thing about life: you can never get last night back, so always give you best and live each day to the fullest.

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