The idea of a man needing to bring in a bigger income originates from his own idea of what a provider needs to do. In the days prior to women in the workforce, a man was responsible for providing for his family all by himself. Today, women are expected to not only assume the duties of wife and mother but to help bear the financial burden as well. They have been taught to work harder than ever before because of the way the working world sometimes looks down upon them. So when a woman brings in a larger income than her man, to her, it is not a matter of whose paycheck is bigger or smaller. It is the fact the she is being well-compensated for the work she is doing. She feels proud of herself and her accomplishments, and thus more confident and worthy.
The amount of income a man brings home is not a reflection of what kind of person, husband, father, or lover he is. The type of man a woman wants is someone to share the responsibilities and burdens of everyday life. As long as you are an honorable, hardworking, trustworthy, loving man, the way your woman sees you is not going to change because of the amount of money on your paycheck.
I asked a handful of women what their thoughts were on this subject.
Ninety-five percent of the women I asked said “no,” a man’s role does not change if he makes less money, as long as he helps out with the responsibilities around the house, the children and other family obligations.
But a small percentage said “yes,” it would change their view of their man, but ONLY if he didn’t share in all other aspects of their family duties. A majority of the women I talked to said if their man wanted to be a stay-at-home dad while the women went to work, they would be delighted.
A few others said that over the course of their relationships, the partner who made more money changed, sometimes from year-to-year. All agreed, however, that when the woman makes more money, it tends to change the man. It changes the way he views his woman and himself. He has a tendency to view himself as a lesser man, which can result in mood swings, snapping at loved ones, putting down himself or others, or resenting his woman because she makes more. These are the things that can change a man’s role in a woman’s eyes, not the numbers printed on the paycheck.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WOMAN
Do not be afraid to talk with her. Share your feelings. The more open and honest you are about your state of mind about your financial worries, she will be more than willing to listen and possibly even make you feel better by telling you that the money doesn’t change the way she views you. As long as you stay the person she has come to care for and/or love, money or the lack thereof will not transform her outlook on you.
HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF?
Do you view yourself as less of a man because the numbers on your paycheck are not as big as the number on your woman’s paycheck? Does the disposition of your character change because of it? Do you feel inadequate in other areas of your life? Many men feel like the number on their paycheck is a measure of their manhood. This is not the case. Yes, there are some women out there that will view men differently because of the amount of money they earn. These are simply not the women for you. Life is not about the destination; it is about the journey, and as long as you are happy with yourself and your partner, the material things do not matter.
TAKE A STEP BACK
Stop looking at yourself as a failure, or that you are somehow less of a man or a bad provider, because of an amount on a piece of paper. Instead, be proud of who you are, show the people around you and that special woman in your life that it is not the size that matters; it is the person you are and the way you treat her. Jobs can come and go and pay can change in an instant, but the one thing that shouldn’t change is that you are reliable and trustworthy, that your character is strong, and you treat your lady in a respectful and loving way. If you treat her right, none of the other stuff will matter. She will feel lucky to have a man that works hard and cares so deeply that he doesn’t let a little thing like who makes more money define who they are as individuals or as a couple.